No querés, no querés, te negás. Una vez que te calmás, pensás ilusamente que debe necesitar tiempo, entonces decidís dárselo.. Mientras te das cuenta de que no podés, de que todo lo que tenés a tu alrededor te recuerda a él: cada adorno que ves, cada canción que escuchás, cada recuerdo en el que pensás; ahí es cuando notás lo difícil que va a ser, que no podés darle el tiempo, que no podés estar sin él; que NO QUERÉS.- Sacás de tu alcance todo lo que te recuerde a él y lo guardás, en una caja; tratás de buscar refugio y contención en tus amistades, pero por más que se esfuercen y que parezca que lo olvidas por un rato, no es así; sabés perfectamente que en tu cabeza lo único que hay es ÉL, y es en lo único en lo que pensás!.- Ya buscás excusas para volver a verlo.. ¿Para qué? Tenés bien claro que te va a costar MUCHO más; que lo único que vas a hacer es lastimarte más; y aunque él no quiera seguir haciéndolo, no quiera causarte más daño, por que de verdad le importas y se niega a hacerlo, vos se lo pedís indirectamente y hasta lo hacés por él.. Pero, es una oportunidad para verlo; pensás cualquier cosa, te convencés de algo que sabés que no es verdad: que al verte destrozada como estés, te va a pedir perdón y te va a dar esa segunda oportunidad que vos tanto anhelás. Aunque lo conozcas y sepas que no es así, dejás que esa estúpida ilusión te llene el cuerpo y la mente, lo cual termina por hacerte MUCHO PEOR.- Lo ves, él te dice algo HERMOSO que te hace sentir bien y que le importás, pero que te DESTROZA; pensás en que NUNCA estuvo más hermoso que en ese momento, que nunca tuviste tantas ganas de besarlo, de decirle un 'Te amo', de abrazarlo. Lo hacés, lo abrazás y rogás que ese momento dure PARA SIEMPRE; lo único que querés es que el tiempo pare o que él te diga eso que tanto querés escuchar, se despiden después del abrazo con un roce de manos y un 'Gracias por todo' y vos sentís que te morís por dentro lenta y dolorosamente, como una puñalada a tu pobre corazón.- Pensás que esto no puede estar pasando. Todos te dicen que te quedes tranquila, que solo necesita espacio, que cuando te empiece a extrañar o se de cuenta de que te perdió va a volver; vos te dejás engañar por esa tonta idea que en el momento te hace sentir mejor, pero a la larga termina siendo cada vez PEOR..-
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or you can just leave the pieces on the flor and MOVE THE FUCK ON.
31.7.09
¿Cómo puede ser que una persona que dice amarnos tanto, de un día para el otro deje de sentir eso y empiece a dedicarse a lastimarnos en lugar de darnos amor? Y, lo que es peor, ¿cómo puede ser que a pesar de todo lo que nos hayan herido o que nos hayan roto el corazón en millones de pedacitos, todavía nos cueste olvidarnos de ese amor que creíamos eterno?- Un día viene esa persona que amas con el alma; esa persona por la que darías TODO, tu vida; tu pilar; tu todo; te dice que no quiere estar más con vos en esta relación por un X motivo..- El mundo se viene abajo. Primero, no se entiende nada, pero cuando la comprensión empieza a correr por las venas como un veneno que te paraliza hasta los huesos, te cae encima como un balde de agua helada. No sabés que hacer, que pensar.. '¿Qué? No puede ser. ¿Por qué?' le decís "Por favor, no". Le exigís una explicación y la obtenés, pero para vos no tiene sentido, no la querés entender y aunque no lo hagas, las lágrimas empiezan a deslizarse por tus mejillas y sentís que TODO SE TERMINÓ; tratás de pedir PERDÓN, JURÁS que vas a cambiar, ROGÁS otra oportunidad para hacer las cosas bien, TEMBLÁS cuando pensás en el egoísmo con el que está actuando el otro al hacerte esto, pero no pensás, obviamente, en tu EGOÍSMO, al pedirle que se quede si no le hace bien.- En un segundo, se derrumbó la construcción de su relación, meses y meses de 'trabajo". Llegó el fin del mundo, el FIN DE TU MUNDO; llorás, llorás y no hacés más que llorar por que es lo único que podés hacer. Pedís la compañía de un alguien aunque sepas perfectamente que no es ese ALGUIEN a quien querés, buscás la compañía de ese alguien que fue TU TODO y que lo sigue siendo, aunque el sentimiento ya no sea mutuo.- Habiendo estado en el punto en el que creías que JAMÁS se iba a terminar, se terminó, entiendas o no por que es así, lo es; pasa a ser no más que un recuerdo.. y tu tarea es empezar a superarlo..
The drugs began to peak
You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You won't leave me alone
Chisel my heart out of stone
I give in everytime.
I bet you laugh
At the thought of me thinking for myself
Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
But under your cover's
I WILL SAVE MYSELF.-
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea& breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer.You won't try to save me
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate.
You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my hero..-
You won't leave me alone
Chisel my heart out of stone
I give in everytime.
I bet you laugh
At the thought of me thinking for myself
I bet you believe
That I'm better off with you than someone else
Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
But under your cover's
More torture than pleasure
And just past your lipsThere's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on I'll break you, my habitI WILL SAVE MYSELF.-
Do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth dying for? Does it take you breath away & you feel yourself suffocating?Does the pain weight out the pride? & you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins. One, 21 guns. Lay down your arms, give up the fight. One, 21 guns. Throw up your arms into the sky. You and I When you're at the end of the road & you lost all sense of control & your thoughts have taken their toll. When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul. Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass. Nothing's ever built to last. You're in ruins Did you try to live on your own when you burned down the house and home? Did you stand too close to the fire? Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone. When it's time to live and let die & you can't get another try. Something inside this heart has died. You're in ruins.-
30.7.09
The End.-
"-¿Tú..no..me quieres?
-NO- Lo mire, sin comprenderlo aún. Me devolvió la mirada sin remordimiento. Sus ojos brillaban como topacios, duros, claros y muy profundos. Me sentí como si cayera dentro de ellos y no pude encontrar nada, en sus honduras sin fondo, que contrarrestara la palabra que había pronunciado.
-Bien, eso cambia las cosas- [..]Seguía sin tener sentido.
-En cierto modo, te he querido, por supuesto, pero lo que pasó la otra noche me hizo darme cuenta de que necesito un cambio. Por que me he cansado de intentar ser lo que no soy. No soy humano- me miro de nuevo; ahora, sin duda, las facciones heladas de su rostro no eran humanas-. He permitido que esto llegara demasiado lejos y lo lamento mucho.
-No- contesté con un hilo de voz; empezaba a tomar conciencia de lo que ocurría y la comprensión fluía como ácido por mis venas-. No lo hagas.
-No me convienes, Bella.-"
29.7.09
I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.
I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.
I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending
28.7.09
On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance.
'Cause with you I'd stand all of hell to hold your hand.
I'd give it all, I'd give for us. Give anything, but I won't give up.
'Cause with you I'd stand all of hell to hold your hand.
I'd give it all, I'd give for us. Give anything, but I won't give up.
'Cause you know, you know, you know
That I love you, I've loved you all along
& I miss you, been far away for far to long.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me & you'll never go..
That I love you, I've loved you all along
& I miss you, been far away for far to long.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me & you'll never go..
27.7.09
So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange, our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all,
And the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep. And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible. Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange, our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all,
And the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep. And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible. Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
26.7.09
So much for my happy ending!
Let's talk this over. It's not like we're dead.
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?Don't leave me hangin' in a city so dead.You were all the things I thought I knew.
Held up so high on such a breakable thread.
And I thought we could beYou were everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to beIt's nice to know that you were there, Thanks for acting like you cared
But we lost it. All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away.
All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending.
And making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall. And letting me know we were done.
24.7.09
I miss u
When I see u smile..
22.7.09
It's NOT Over..
My tears run down like razorblades; And no, I'm not the one to blame.. It's you ' or is it me? And all the words we never say Come out and now we're all ashamed. And there's no sense in playing games When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over. I wish that I could take it back..But it's over.
I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. It's shaking from the pain that's in my head. I just wanna crawl into my bed And throw away the life I led, But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. Don't say this won't last forever. You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart. Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over. We could be, forever..
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over. I wish that I could take it back..But it's over.
I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. It's shaking from the pain that's in my head. I just wanna crawl into my bed And throw away the life I led, But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. Don't say this won't last forever. You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart. Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over. We could be, forever..
Fix you..
When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse? Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you. And high up above or down below. When you're too in love to let it go , But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth.-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)